Memory v02
by Unclear Destiny
Summary: Things are not as they should be after the Kyoto fire. Tsuzuki has changed, and is pushing Hisoka away. Will Hisoka be able to overcome his own hurt and find out why his partner's attitude has changed so much? Revised version. Rated for implied sex.
1. can i be your enemy

Since the Kyoto fire, things had not been great.

A bit of an understatement really, but as a person, Hisoka Kurosaki was a man used to understating his troubles. It made things easier to handle that way.

Since the Kyoto fire, Tsuzuki had taken to dealing with things...differently.

There was a bit of a crash and a giggle, and the soft dulcet, drunken slurs of the man he'd come to trust.  
Hisoka didn't bother craning his head past the back of the couch to see what, exactly, had taken place. Another case meant another woman and another night of affairs which shouldn't be taking place.

A soft shudder wracked the teenager-forever's system, and he grimaced.

'This is why the buddy system was put in place, I'm sure. I should be doing something to stop this, probably...'

As moans accented by squeaking mattress springs erupted throughout the tiny western styled motel room, the blond knew that he couldn't though.

Grimacing, the youth shuddered harder and dropped his head, scrubbed hard at his eyes and shut his book, practically throwing the innocent paperback away without bothering to check his page.

He hadn't been reading it anyway.

Standing from the couch and studiously avoiding the sight of the bed at the other side of the room(had Tsuzuki even realized he was there?), the blond fled through the open door of the motel room and slammed it shut behind him.

The cool, damp night air pierced his nose, sending a blissful wave of calm through his thin, willowy body. With a trembling sigh, Hisoka slipped to the cold stoop, his eyes fluttering closed.

The handsome jade orbs opened up to the sky a minute later, sufficiently calmed.

There were no stars in the sky.

* * *

m.e.m.o.r.y

v.02

this may never start  
i'll tear us apart  
can I be your enemy

* * *

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness is copyright to Yoko Matsushita-sensei and plenty other people, I'm sure, but not me. Thank you.

* * *

The day dawned well and early in the offices of the spirit detectives known as 'Gods of Death'. Terazuma was yawning and grumbling about his early days while Wakaba chattered, Watari was likely setting about causing mischief and Tatsumi was breaking down numbers, while Konoe napped in his office. All was not quite so well in the library however. The Gushoshin brothers fluttered about nervously above the sleeping form of one Hisoka Kurosaki. The boy had appeared in the confines of the library in the middle of the night, no doubt to search up something for the case he and Tsuzuki had been working on recently.

Such an explanation didn't quite explain though, the paper thin texture of the teenage Shinigami's skin, nor the dark circles under his eyes.

The brothers looked at eachother for a moment, before Younger nodded and ruffled his feathers, determined, and vanished in search of the boy's older partner. Older slipped away silently in search of a blanket, returning not too long later and setting it across the boy's shoulders.

"It's a little late," The chicken God of Knowledge acknowledged.. "But at least this way, you're warm now."

He patted the boys vibrant blond locks, before returning to his work. Invariably though, Older found his eyes straying back to the sleeping youth. Pensively, they narrowed.

Why was Hisoka here, instead of on Earth, and where was Tsuzuki to make sure he didn't overwork himself?

Something about this situation ruffled Gushoshin the Older's feathers the wrong way. Thin black pupils contemplated the young detective's slouched body, taking in the thin willowy limbs and the coltish grace that defined teenagerhood. A slow humm escaped the bird's beak, and he dismissed his misgivings. The pair had been busy with their sector as of late. They were both probably overworked and stressed, no reason to worry.

With a nod, Gushoshin the Older turned back to his computer. Terazuma's shikigami form had found its way into the library some time ago, and they still needed to catologue all the books that had gone missing in his rampage.

On Earth, Gushoshin Younger was not able to put aside his disturbed feelings quite so easily, as he gave a loud, frightened squawk when a book careened his way.

"Kill it!" A woman, dressed only in a wrinkled shirt cried, hurling a book from the couch at the poor God of Knowledge.

"Asuka! Asuka calm down! It's just a stuffed toy!" Tsuzuki laughed, rushing over to stay the woman's hand. Knowing this story well, the bird dropped to the floor and proceeded to play stuffed animal. Smiling, Tsuzuki ushered the protesting woman to the bathroom he'd just vacated before turning to the chicken on the floor.

As soon as the woman had disappeared, Gushoshin Younger had jumped up and began to squawk irately, gesturing about himself frantically. The noise only worsened the brunet Shinigami's headache, and he winced, pushing a hand into his eyes to stave off the pounding of his headache.

"Gushoshin, please, quiet..." He hissed in a whine.

Younger huffed.

"You know you're not allowed to engage in relationships with humans! Ooooh, Tatsumi-san is going to be soooo mad!"  
"No! No please don't tell him! Gushoshiiiiin!" Flailed the hungover man.

Then, Tsuzuki sighed and dropped his head, shoulders slackening in defeat.

"I'm sorry..." The man whined. "I was drunk and she was so nice...!"

With a roll of his eyes, Younger sighed and patted the puppy like man's head. Then, his eyes widened when he remembered why he was here.

"Oh! Tsuzuki-san! We found Kurosaki-san in the library this morning. You should know better than to let him overwork himself, he's such a delicate young man!"

Tsuzuki blinked at this, looking up at the chicken before his eyes darkened in depression. They turned over to the bed his partner slept in, finding it to be empty and unslept in.

"...Good. He doesn't need to deal with my crap anyway..." He muttered to himself.

Gushoshin Younger blinked. "Tsuzuki-san?"

"Oooooh, nothing!" Tsuzuki laughed, rubbing the back of his head before groaning and crumbling into a pathetic heap on the floor as his hangover throbbed deeper.

Younger sighed.

"Pathetic."

* * *

When Hisoka awoke, it was not without confusion. The lad gave a soft groan as his back and neck took pleasure in reminding him he'd spent the night(well, morning rather. If memory served to be correct, he'd come to JuOhCho's library not too far passed twelve am.) contorted about a chair and desk, with his face planted in the pages of a book on Demonology. Wincing as he forced his body upright, his spine popping loudly back into place, the boy rubbed his eyes and glanced around him, running his fingers through his mussed hair. His eyes caught the sight of fabric not his own from his peripheral, and a glance downward proved to find the sight of a mint green comforter pilled up about his arms.

He felt his heart quicken, and he took the corner of it into his fingers. His thoughts instantly turned to his partner, and he wondered if perhaps Tsuzuki had noticed he was gone, and upon finding him in the library, had found a blanket and covered him in it.

"Ah, Kurosaki-san you've awakened! Good, good." Gushoshin Older said as he turned in his chair to find the boy awake.

Hisoka looked over at the God with a hint of sleep fogged confusion.

"...Gushoshin Older? Where's Tsuzuki?"

The ornately dressed bird gave a humph of disapproval.

"He's gallivanting off with some woman from what I've heard. Very very naughty stuff. You know, Kurosaki-san, you should be stopping him. Behaviour like that just isn't allowed."

"...I know." Hisoka mumbled, his hopes dashed.

The young detective heaved a sigh and stood.

"I apologizing for imposing on you like this." He said, straightening his rumpled clothes.

"It's not a problem, Kurosaki-san. You're always welome in our library." Older said warmly, watching with some confusion as the cool-faced youth packed up his books and headed off.

Hisoka walked slowly, barely registering his co-worker's greetings. His emerald eyes fell closed, hidden by dusky gold lashes.

_'I never thought it would be like this...' _The teenager thought as he walked, his jaw tightening._ 'I never thought that Tsuzuki would become this after the fire. I can understand....post traumatic stress. I can understand fear, but we can work through that together can't we? I...'_

The boy slowed down, his eyes gravitating out the window and into the grove of sakura trees that laid beyond the glass. His heart gave a jump and a shiver and he pulled his eyes away, lips twitching in distaste. Shifting on his heel, the thin youth set his back against the window. That way, he only had to deal with the gilded shadows the trees and his own body provided.

It had been a month since the summoned blazes that had almost taken his and his partner's life, a long painful month filled with physical and mental exhaustion and recovery and then...this.

Tsuzuki and he were not closer than before.

They were further apart.

The violet eyed man had long since stopped seeking out his attention, and Hisoka had stopped bothering to wonder where it had gone. The women, though, those were new, and had only added to the heartache the blond experienced. The blond stared at the wall for a moment longer, the book he'd slept in embraced tightly to his chest. He grimaced, nails digging into the thick leather bindings.

"...Tsuzuki..." He whispered longingly beneath his breath, before his eyes hardened in determination.

"You and I need to talk."

* * *

And so begins the revised version of Memory. My writing feels pretty rusty, uhg. I haven't written like this in so long. x_x

I apologize for any inconsistancies. It's been so long since I've uploaded anything, it feels pretty awkward.

Please tell me what you think!

~UD


	2. i'd be your anything

"Tsuzuki..." Hisoka uttered beneath his breath, his eyes shut in longing and his shoulders giving a peculiar tingle.

His heart was throbbing in his chest with an ache he had come to know well, quivering and shivering with every thought of the man whom he had...saved?

That didn't feel right but Tsuzuki had felt so grateful afterwards. There had been a calm that enveloped them, that night with the cherry trees, a feeling of confidence, of security. Things weren't going to be okay for a long time and both of them knew their troubles were far from over but they had been willing to work through them, together.

Together never seemed to come. It should have, but it hadn't. The blond's leaf green eyes opened, half veiled by thick whiskers and a hint of wetness.

He stared at the floor. The floor stared back at him, oblivious to his racing thoughts. Something solidified in his gut.

Hisoka raised his head, cool hard determination glinting in his orbs.

"We need to talk."

Though his heart beat faster, his pace was sturdier than it had been before as shaky confidence carried him down the hallway, around the corner and-

Down to the mortal plane.

The young man reappeared in the back alley behind the run down hotel he and his partner were staying at and his nose wrinkled with the reek of old garbage, must and dank sweat. A glance around to ensure no one had been watching and the blond made his forward, his walk secure.

Into the lobby. The elevator was still down, but Hisoka hardly noticed it.

Up the stairs. Apprehension began to touch him again. Inexplicably he found himself standing in front of their room's door, staring at it.

He reached out. It felt solid beneath his fingertips and he slowly pushed it open and stepped inside.

Confusion tingled across his empathy.

Hisoka said nothing as he met eyes with the barely dressed woman sitting on his bed, her long hair loose around her shoulders and her dark eyes matching the puzzlement he felt brushing against his mind.

"Asato-saaan?" She cooed and looked toward the bathroom, brown eyes wide. "Who's the kid?"

* * *

m.e.m.o.r.y

v.02

losing half a year  
waiting for you here  
i'd be your anything.

* * *

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness is copyright to Yoko Matsushita-sensei and plenty other people, I'm sure, but not me. Likewise for Memory by Sugercult. Thank you.

* * *

"Get out! Out!"

He was sick of her already. The woman uttered a shriek as she was forcefully shambled and heaved into the hallway, falling heavily on her knees. She looked over her shoulder just in time to catch Hisoka's quietly irked expression before the rumpled youth slammed and locked the door.

Exhaling heavily, the blond rested his head against the cheap particle board for a moment. Just a moment, a single moment, to mollify the throbbing headache that was poking about his ears and eyes.

When the detective finally brought his eyes around to his partner, the anger in his eyes was far from gone.

"What," Hisoka hissed. "Do you think you're doing?"

He took in a heavy breath, cramped diaphram aching.

Tsuzuki ogled the slightly panting youth in shock and slowly opened his mouth to say something before the irate lad cut him off.

"You know what you're doing could get us BOTH in trouble, right? Sleeping with all these mortals like you're Zeus or something!"  
"Eh, Hisoka..."

The stressed Death God stormed forward, fingertips jabbing into the brunet's chest.

"Just who do you think you are! And what do you think gives you the right to just brush me off, huh?"  
Hisoka's voice was rising in pitch, his short temper flaring vibrantly in his leaf green eyes. The elder detective's hands raised in a mollifying motion, a goofy smile plastered across his face.

"Hey now, hey, Hisoka..."

But the boy shoved him back, the anger in his empathy sparking about his nails.

"Damnit Tsuzuki-"  
"Hisoka!"

Hisoka grunted in shock, electric eyes snapping at the older man as his shoulders were steadied by large hands.

"Hisoka, it's okay."  
"No it's not okay!"

Taken aback, the elder blinked and then sighed as he lowered his head, then shook it with a grin.

"Enma-Diaoh wouldn't fire us, Hisoka, really. Well, he wouldn't fire me and I would certainly vouch for you so don't worry about it, kay?"

Silently huffing as the man wrapped an arm about his small shoulders, Hisoka closed his eyes and allowed his feet to be lead to the small excuse for a table. As it always had, Tsuzuki's touch had seemed to heal the licks of fury tearing at his heart, instantly comforting. The cool buffer of the man's barriers coaxed the tired boy's face to press gently into the taller male's chest, nose barely touching-

And then it was gone. Hisoka's eyelids peeled back slowly to reveal a happy man bustling about the kitchen while he chattered about nothing at all. Finding himself sitting in the chair Tsuzuki had steered him into, the blond glanced about himself before leaning back. The wooden hinges creeked beneath his disputable weight, the sound jet-engining into his brain.

The boy's eyebrow twitched.

"Tsuzuki, I'm being serious!" He cried plaintively, praying he could catch the man's attention as he leaned forward again to slam his hands into the table.

It was as if the man didn't even hear him, completely unaffected by the youth's plea as he rambled off a couple of excuses and reached for his coat.

The blond's heart jumped into his throat and he jumped up immediately to rush forward, hands reaching out to grab and stay Tsuzuki's motions.

This man wasn't being serious.

He wasn't being anything at all, Hisoka thought as he stared into the man's wide violets. The brunet's mouth was moving and his eyes were bright, but Hisoka wasn't hearing any of it as his fingers tightened into an iron clutch on the other's arm.

"You can't just pretend everything's okay, because it's not." The boy's voice broke mid sentence, and he stole a moment to compose himself.

"You're destroying yourself by doing this Tsuzuki. You think sleeping with all these women is going to solve anything, do they think that they can heal you? They're not!"

'But I can.' Hisoka's grip gentled, feet moving without heed so he stood immediately in front of the taller man. His hands slid up to grasp at the more experienced detective's biceps.

The blond uttered a sigh, heart pounding.

"They're doing nothing but siphoning whats left of you. Come on, Tsuzuki..."

This had been going on for too long. A month was nothing by standards of years, decades and centuries but it was long enough for Hisoka.

"Let me in?"

He swallowed.

"Please?"

This man was so distant from him, so far apart and Hisoka just didn't know how much longer he'd be able to go on with this. He felt nothing from Tsuzuki as he watched the man blink once, and then twice, his smile frozen in shock on his face before it slowly melted away. The boy watched with rising hopes as the man's gaze fell downward, knowing his words had sunk passed the legendary thickness of the other Shinigami's skull. A moment passed, each second ticking at the bated breath caught in the young dead boy's lungs.

"Let me in." Hisoka whispered one more time, his sound barely audible against the press of tension and ache between the two.

Finally, Tsuzuki shook his head and smiled gently as he lifted his hands to break the hold the blond had on him, peeling each finger back one by one and pushing them back into the smaller youth's chest.

"You shouldn't worry so much, Hisoka." The man's voice echoed like a dream. "I'm going out on patrol. I'll be back in a few hours, bye!"

With this excited explanation, the taller of the two rushed off and slammed the door shut behind him.

The walls wobbled. Hisoka swallowed shallowly in his throat, shellshocked, and turned slowly to look at the closed door.

That was more than a metaphor. Numbly the tender youth sank back into his chair and tilted his head back.

His mind rushed with possibilities behind his closed eyelids, brows furrowing with the gravity of them.

Could it be he was just over thinking this? Had nothing changed in reality, which he was apparently so deeply departed from? Maybe Tsuzuki felt just as close to him as ever and he only imagined the gnawing chasm which seemed to have burrowed itself between them?

Tired, Hisoka breathed an exhausted sigh and raised his head, scratching the back of his neck with a small grimace of discomfort.

"This sucks." He recited to the silence of the hotel room before rising from the table and meandering over to his laptop. Wrinkling his nose as he peeled a stiff set of panties from his keyboad, the action only adding insult to injury, the boy tossed it into the garbage and sank onto the bed. Rusty coils shrieked and sagged underneath him and in an action that was well rehearsed the blond pushed his pained heart away and booted the computer up.

"I'm not sure what sort of investigating you think you're doing, Tsuzuki..." Hisoka mumbled softly to his screen. "But I intend to get some real work done damnit."

But inevitably his eyes strayed from the research and out the tiny, cracked window. He could only hope the man was safe.

Indeed a few hours passed. Quite a few, actually, and by the time Tsuzuki finally graced their door night had fallen and Hisoka had made several phone calls, arranged three meetings and had printed off mini-books of information regarding the case they were on at the moment. It was tireless work but it got the job done.

Tsuzuki hadn't. A stern upbringing with high class tastes wasn't needed for Hisoka's nose to pick up the sharp reek of liquor wafting off the man and his clothes.

The youth's proboscus crinkled delicately and he sighed, standing and folding his arms across the chest. He watched, concerned but mostly resigned as the drunken detective stumbled over furniture, giggling all the way over to his bed and throwing himself down on one.

He slid off promptly with a delighted squeal.

Stiff for a moment, the blond eventually swallowed and made his way over, tugging at the brunet's arm and heaving him upward with a grunt. Only years of training in the martial arts allowed him to overcome the weight difference, digging his shoulder into the larger man's gut and shifting his stance.

Tsuzuki's back hit the mattress a second later.

"Meeeaaaan Hisoka!" The dizzy man sputtered with a cough, the world reeling around him.

"Yeah yeah..."

Fetching some water and setting the kettle aboil, Hisoka returned to the bed and sat next to the mumbling snickering man. Pouring some water into his hand, the teen smoothed it over his partner's flushed face before gently manouvering his head onto his thigh. Lifting his leg and securing an arm about Tsuzuki's shoulder, he sighed.

"Drink. You need something besides booze in your system, idiot." He tenderly murmured, blushing slightly as he ran his dripping fingers through the older man's hair.

"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki murmured breathily, a content sigh sweeping from his lips as the youth's cool hands swept over his face.

This was nice. This was really nice. Thirstily gulping at the water as the grungy glass's rim was set against his mouth, the brunet closed his eyes and leaned back wantonly into Hisoka's lap.

"Idiot..." He heard, the tone affectionate, above him.

The glass was lifted from him and he simply rested there for a moment.

This was where he should be.

But-

Wait.

No.

"Hisoka." Tsuzuki grumbled, brow furrowing.

"Hm?"

"Don-...don't touch me."

The intoxicated brunet pushed himself away, slapping off the blond's hands, and promptly fell from the bed again.

"I don't...I don't...wanchu touching me."

Feeling as if he'd been kicked in the gut, Hisoka digested these slurs and folded his hands in his lap. He made no move to stop the other man from stumbling out the doorway.

He didn't even hear the kettle scream as it reached the boiling point.

* * *

AN

Hey guys, how you doing? Sorry it took so long. One thing about life when it reestablishes itself-it gets in the way. I've been battling with some health problems, both physical and mental, and am still working and going to school so don't expect updates to come very often.

I've got the outline of the story done. Theres supposed to be eight chapters and depending how things go I may even write a sequel. I still feel pretty rusting writing this...it's not my best work but it gets the job done.

Thank you guys for your patience! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have a great Christmas and New Years! Here's to an AWESOME 2011 YEAAAAAH


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